*celebration*

keahi started kindergarten this past week. an incredible milestone, indeed!

during the summer, i was probably more excited than she, and i constantly asked her, "can you believe you're going to be in kindergarten?" i was excited about the teachers and children she'd meet; about the things she'd learn; about the joy she'd experience everyday.

the first day of school did not disappoint. i saw a little discomfort, maybe even fear, as keahi mingled among the few kids who were in the gym. when more kids came in, i thought she'd cry because she was overwhelmed. mrs. huntzinger gave her a reassuring hug, and that was it. she was won over.

she waited for her classmates to arrive and then everyone went outside to see where they would normally line up for school. it was mayhem! kids with oversized backpacks; some crying (see the boy behind the girls) and some just elated to be there. our daughter was in the latter group, and i was filled with joy. i would have cried, but i kept snapping pictures.

the class bounded off to their room, and i watched them go. keahi skipped off and blew me a kiss. i melted and basked in the moment, letting it all settle, as my mom would advise.

god is good.

*connections*

oh my, we live in an incredible world! the internet has impressed me lately, as i've connected with over 100 of my high school classmates. we are celebrating our 20th reunion this weekend, and through facebook, we've been able to share photos & recall favorite memories before we even meet as a group.

i wasn't all that excited for the reunion; mostly because i knew only a few friends who were coming. all of a sudden, there's a website for information and a bunch of folks showing up in virtual reality. it's been a neat experience already.

now let's see if we get to tp'ing anyone's house after the party :)

*an entire year?*

so it's been a whole year since i last blogged. craziness! just shows you how much is going on. we're all enjoying the sunshine and the fact that it's summer!!!

well, the kids are a year older and we have another year's worth of experiences and memories. we visited alaska this past june and loved the scenery. the glaciers were amazing and the wildlife, incredible.

i just finished my first year back teaching and it was grand! it was everything i imagined--invigorating, challenging, and fun. things couldn't have gone better. i had a great teammate and our class was just so precious.

keahi starts kindergarten in august, caden will begin year 2 at pre-school and john has just completed his first 2 months with microsoft. nonna and papa are doing well, and papa is cancer free! he's about 3 weeks post-op and doing well. god is good and we're blessed. we wish you the same.

enjoy your day :)

*let go*

in about 4 days, i'll be back to work. is that what made me sleep until 10am today? does my body know that i will not have unrushed mornings, or showers at 2pm, following my midday nap? does my brain know that i cannot go anymore without knowing what's happening in the world?

i am burdened with sadness and guilt. i love my children, but it is time my youngest, a precocious 2 1/2 year-old, venture to pre-school. he needs little friends his own age, some lessons in turn-taking and waiting. his sister needs a place to run out the wiggles, flaunt her bad attitude, and learn the ways of the world.

i love being home with the kids. we have our own schedule, decide if we want to stay in our jammies all day, and (sometimes) eat ice cream for breakfast!! we lounge around the living room floor, play with our Little People and dance to music. life is sometimes slow, sometimes fast...but always fun. of course, they get into trouble, frustrate me, but we work things out. i enjoy being able to be there 24/7; deciding how we will respond to each and every situation that happens. now, i have to turn over the reigns.

and this is where my sadness lies: i have to give up control.

no more choosing what to say and how to say it. my kids will now have someone else teaching them. how do other moms do it? i'm scared to drop them off, no matter that "the Academy" comes highly recommended and is lauded by my community. i shudder to think that something terrible may happen or that GASP! my child learn something i probably wouldn't have wanted them to learn!

...sigh...

there will always be little friends who don't make the best choices, i know that. we can't shield them from those experiences. i've been told, "equip your children with the tools to deal with these kinds of folks."

so i prepare to hand them over to other people for a few hours everyday. "it will be good for them," i keep telling myself. "they need this experience..."

i'm not convinced yet.

*ornithology*

the kids are teaching me to appreciate life in a way only children can :) ...by sitting still and watching the world go by...

we've been at Nonna & Papa's house, and they have a hummingbird feeder. every afternoon, we hang out in the backyard and wait...and then he visits. barely able to contain their excitement, they point and smile and keep their gasps silent. he hovers, takes a long drink and then rests on the feeder. he's beautiful...brown, green, a little red and keahi has named him "snow white," of course...because he's beautiful. he comes back again and again, bringing a wave of joy with him each time.

i rarely take time to settle, to relax my mind. i am always running...in my head, on the road with errands, or in the house with the kids. mom told me to appreciate "the now," for it will soon be a memory. i try to absorb that thought. i don't want the kids to grow up and get too big for hugs and kisses. when i am frustrated, i can't seem to wait for them to be older, be able to do more, not take so long to get dressed or buckled into the car. i hurry them, push them forward, make them rush through their slow paces.

will mom whisper and tell me to settle into "the now?"

love it. embrace it. cherish it.

my "now" is pretty good.

settle in.

*insomnia*

aloha!

i'd really like to be sleeping beauty right now. instead, i'm jumping into cyberspace and posting my first blog. life is going well. we've planted new bushes and trees, and our backyard is looking much better these days. john wanted some color besides brown, and who can blame him? we are looking forward to warmer days, with the blizzards and snow behind us. soon, i'll be complaining that it's too hot and that i can't wait for winter.

three-quarters of the family is vacationing in sunny California for two weeks. the kiddos are getting spoiled by their grandparents and i cannot contain my excitement. it's really neat to see my dad teaching the kids and playing with them. they are having a ball! caden has his sights set on the 1970 red apple Chevy Camaro in the garage. papa says it's his when he turns 16, has earned his license and "can pay for the insurance."

smart man.